Friday, September 30, 2005

cAn i pLeEez pOke uR eYes oUt?


dont ask me what that means. just don't.

ive given up on this blogskin thingy. argh. come sem break, ima harness my blogskinning--?!--powers and create a blogsking that is soooo me. wah.

im hungry. but that passed na... hai.

going to paranaque.

i feel people glaring at me, trying to intimidate me into giving them my seat... "how dare you blog and look at pictures of women [ei--for the image, ok?] when we have papers due an hour from now?!"

abggkpl!

gg!

*that actually means something.

"alicia, whatchu gonna do? ooh, i wanna do it again." sorry, stuck in me headsh.

i wAnNa shiRt tHat sEz "lAst nYt i tRieD tO kilL mySeLf bUt i hAd a pApeR dUe todAy."


grah. [grunts and the like.]

as usual, i am verreee unsatisfied with my blogskins so im gonna replace it. [grunt again.] among my choices are jessica simpson's toned booooodi. :p or this violently purple thing. or a pic of women untying her shoes, shexily...

tapos es class. hate it. hurgh. gets ko na reason why, even though it's so bleeping easy, i get ridiculously low grades::: gerry adds too much unrelated comments. smart comments. (snort.)

song stuck in head: tHesE preCioUs ilLusiOns iN my hEad...

argh.

im busy. teka lang pede?

oH, sHeEp


something's wrong with the template... sa sem break ko na lang ayusin...

argh, my tummy hurts. hmm. eniwei, lit oral report's done. i think i messed it up but no one said anything about it... it's kinda like farting.

(fart.)

punta me pque later. big yey.

dami ko pa gawin.

(fart.)

Thursday, September 29, 2005

i juSt fLusHed tHat shIt yOndEr


haha, kalog yung title. :p

i am done with the first draft of my research paper. that's cause for a celebration, right?

pano na, babeeeeeh? there's no way that ill get a high grade with this piece of crap... weeeee... but whatevarrr. i just can't wait to escape.

ay. tae.

hai... pinapaalis na koh ng mga tao dito... babush!!!

bE oNe wiTh tHe pResSuRe


hehe. i got that from fidelis tan...

seattle's again. javanilla yummy. pero i didn't buy, hehe. sipped from evert, sipped from fiddie-fiddie (she's gonna gut me alive if she knew i said that.) lit's done. it's not a masterpiece but at least it's done.

[cue wicked laugh.]

ugh. first hour in isolation with appels. weird dude. he was reading cosmo guide to getting ecstacy in bed or something like that. haha. saya. i'll post some of the pics when i get them. :)... khuleeet.

-------
5:20--wHy woNt piCs upLoAd?!
-------

anyhoosz, if that guy was only straight... (tsk, tsk) i mean, he opens doors for you, he moves out of the way when a girl's coming from the other direction... tapos, kanina, when we were at seattle's, one of our chairs in our "couch circle"--hehe, our--was occupied by some dude (who was actually a girl). i said, in a tone that was purposely created to be either joking and serious: "smoking area?" he said, "no, you'll die."

aww.

fine, so you don't find that sweet. i do.

hmph.


<<-->>


i cut fil pala for the lit thing. tapos na naman yung project but i stayed pa rin, missing what should have been my ticket to an A in the last fil long test. why? cuz it was fun.

cuz i managed to play "pretend."

hargh.

i kinda lykd the atmosphere at the coffee shop -- [how many times have i written about a coffee shop? and yet, until yesterday, i had never set foot in one.] -- it was, to quote from one of my stories, "so college." barf. but true, true.

whyl evert was in the smoking area, he left his laptop with me... and his javanilla. harhar. took a slow sip of the drink, slowly swallowed. pleasant taste of coffee in my mouth. [damn it, ima get addicted again.] then, i put the laptop on my, er, lap and typed away. drone of college students around me, speakers playing a michael buble song, couch eating me alive. ah, the life.

not my life.

cest la vie, baby.


<<-->>


research paper due tomorrow.

are u done?

nope!!!

wonderful.

i know!!! isn't it great?!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

tHis iS mE . . . malAkiNg "dAw"


my pErsoNality (dAw) is:::
iDeAliSt

you are a passionate, caring, and unique person.
you are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals.
--> ay true, true... :p saya!!!

you are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.
your heart tends to rule you. you can't make decisions without considering feelings.
--> ay, true again. im a heart person.

you seek out other empathetic people to befriend.
truth and authenticity matters in your friendships.
--> lahat naman siguro, gusto ng true friend, ryt???

in love, you give everything you have to relationships. you fall in love easily.
--> haha. bingo. right on that one, my friend.

at work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career.
--> personal expression is my career.

with others, you communicate well. you can spend all night talking with someone.
--> not really. last night i was talking to gabie on one of my rare friendly moments with her and i just couldn't wait for it to f"cking end!!!

as far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style.
--> uh-huh. yup, yup.

on weekends, you like to be with others. charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.
--> i want to be with my family kasi ther food's decent [not happy homes]... sometimes i like to be alone. AND CHARITY WORK IS NOT MY FAVORITE PASTIME. I AM A SELFISH BITCH AND I KNOW IT.

well, dazzit.

i got this thing from:
"Three Question Personality Test"
http://www.blogthings.com/threequestionpersonalitytest/

hOw dO yOu spElL "sEaTtLe?!"


argh. fuelled by rage. and laziness. and defeat (?)

pissed still.

doing english research paper... life sucks. and im pissed at my english teacher. it's inevitable. sue me.

[demi and ashton got married. ala lang.]

crazee. crazee. me.

it's already eight pages but im still not done shoo... whatevarrr.

math quiz tomorrow. something about translating graphs. come on. it totally left my mind after that one second it stayed there. math is crap. i mean, when i write about the sensational agony of having your soul torn from your body, do i really need to graph it?! craperoo.

fil paper due on the seventh. im in chapter nine. out of 28. is that good? no? hm. i thought so.

es lab finals this monday. another wicked witch in my life...

es lecture. nuisance. can't wait to end it.


<<-->>


lit's another thing. we have to analyze wAr by luiGi piRaNdelLo so one of us could report it on friday. this friday. am i making sense? hm. basta. analyze the f*cking story as a group and then come friday, miss lin [erherm] will choose one of us to singlehandedly report it in front. i have a nasty feeling that it's gonna be me.

[i smell victoria's secret. the tempra thing, i think. uh, ive gone through so many scents and flavors that it's confusing... but deja senti. it reminds me of... harrell. and nobody's angel. and don michael. adrian. kristel. them.]

i was medyo nervous pa cuz when we (the group) met last monday, we did nothing. ala. ala talaga. saya. but kaninang am, fidelis texted me if the group wanted to meet. well, they did... i was still at home, watching florence henderson talking to a poolboy about raking her leaves. har. methinks my absence from the meeting with miss lin this morning would make miss lin choose me for friday's report. sadistic bleep.

met with evert. (yes, i can finally talk to him. funny how his homosexuality makes him more accessible.) anyways, we met at the former smocket sa may ctc... people i know passed us and they kinda gave those weird stare-y thingies. evert's used to it, i guess. it amused me. people, he's gay. know it. get over it.

funniest was gab's reaction. "bat kaya kasama nito si belgian boy?" i pity you, dearie. thank god i am sooo _____________.

[nats told me yesterday na it's the same way for her. damn, i hope not. it'd be cute if it were not. basta.]

anyways, we met with franz and fidelis... this was the agenda: go to mcdo, eat lunch. then go to seattle's and talk about the story...

uh, poverty. i have a hundred in my pocket.

medyo uncomfy but certainly not op... you know me. ^_^

besides, i don't drink coffee anyways.

hai. seattle's had a nice atmosphere. everyone had laptops (harhar) and everyone was drinking coffee or eating large cookies worth forty-five pesos.

fidelis understood me, methinks, re my poverty mode. hai. thanksh.

new fantasy: seattle as a hang-out, a la sex and the city with carrie bradshaw...

ah, since i didn't get to spoil myself nung birthday ko with cello's donuts or even mashed pot or a shirt or jeans cuz i used my bday money to pay for school stuff [bait ko, i knooow] eh di this pasko na lang, hahaha. after this sem sana pero tag-hirap pa rin ang lola mo. fine. sa pasko, iinom ako ng mahal na kape.

oi, the story talk was oki. chaya.

saw him. migs. haha. labo ko no? have i said this before: i like him cuz i don't get to talk to him -- ? well, i do. it's true. ang cute. parang elementary.

i just thought, for a while, what kelvin was thinking. i don't like him--like like--but you have to wonder, ryt? what the f*ck is going on in that tiny widdle head of his???

toodles.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

biTe mE


yes, please do. just to see if it hurts...

nothing much. my life is still revolving around my english research paper. i am fuelled with rage. i'll show that hag. grrrr. grrrr.

gr.

poverty. i have a hundred forty pesos and this is supposed to last me until friday.

i.

have.

to.

save.


<<-->>


read apOkaLipsiS by alvin yapan. damn good piece of literature.


<<-->>

my mom called me last night. i slept from 5-ish to 9-ish. cool. mom called me. ala lang, nangangamusta. (fuzzy feeling.) then i called mommy lily. she's worried about her scar. hai. if i were in her position, id be thankful i could still speak. or see. god bless her.

i have to get my own food. im eating my dormmates' stash. (wicked laugh). ima get caught. wha.

Monday, September 26, 2005

waLa lAng


i blog now for the sake of having an entry. lots have happened. i survived the "fun" run among other things. my body ACHES LIKE HELL though. woke up at 5:00. the run was at 5:30. saya.

hai.

too many things to do, so little time...

i got my tentative outline re my research paper in english today. im never good enough for my english prof. im always doing something wrong... everything i submit to her always comes back almost completely covered by purple ink. craaaaaaaaaap. arrrgh. hate her. hate her. i actually hate her more than i would a teacher who gives me low grades cuz she does something else: she's making me doubt my ability as a writer... and i hate paople who make me feel that way about myself...

no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. i heard that somewhere.

met with fidelis, franz, tanya and evert for the lit group report. wookie, we're gonna get an F in this thing.. wala kayong kwenta, haha. :) muwaaaaaaaaah.

hargh.

toodles. things to do.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

i wAnNa hUg l.A. teNoRio


sabi na eh. too good to be effing true. grabe, ang yabang ng la salle. then again, if we were in their position, it would be the same...

[they have the guts to call us their archrivals. snort. as if we are their equals. come on. that's like comparing a ferrari to a padyak-scooter.]

yes, i want to hug l.a... stupid me. im a freshie in a school i don't like that much, a school which i think is overrated (am i contradicting myself?) but i wanted to cry when i saw l.a. on the floor. not because, "demmitgetupwearegoingtolose!!!" but because he wanted to play, he wanted to win. it was his game, his last chance.

there's alway PBA.

uhmmers. doug kramer. i think he was put in the team kasi wala kaming guwapong player. harhar. fine. in fairness, he can play.

so can my ten-year-old brother.

haha, crush ko si gago. --oi, so kramer, hindi si baby brother. :p yuckers.

ahemsh. back to eLeiii.

ilabyuman!!!

trEeS, fOr lAcK oF soMetHiNg niCe tO sAy


"i don't want to go through this life without you by my side and i've got it all worked out in my head here's how it's got to be it'll be you and me up in the trees and the forest will give us the answers we, we're make believe... in a world we rule together we can build our dreams with a knot tied tight to last forever it'll be you and me up in the trees and the forest will give us the answers it'll be you and i up in the sky it's a combination for disaster we've got one shot--so where do we go from here? it'll be you and meup in the treesand the forest will give us the answers it'll be you and i up in the sky it's a combination for disaster... and i know there's more for us in this life..."

ang saya no??? this is "trees" by marty casey... don't know what he looks like? i have tons of his pics in my blog... just scroll down...

<<-->>

i survived the "fun" run. three kilometers of wheezing and wishing i was somewhere else, all in 30 minutes!!! yahoo!!! har-har. fun run, my foo-whet. some of us had to go 10 kilometers. im praying for them...

research paper draft's due this friday. ima bite off miss lin's head when i see her...

what else, what else?

nothing... i returned a funky-smelling gardenia back. they replaced it naman. wow. i stood my ground, despite the "evil eyes" the woman sent my way. buti na lang one of them's nice... went back home and the gardenia bread smelled funky. uli. grrr. it's not the bread. it's the dorm... everything is going stale there. woohoo.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

fRidAy iM iN loVe... iS it fRidAy?


i don't care if monday's blue tuesday's grey and wednesday too thursday i don't care about you it's friday i'm in love monday you can fall apart tuesday wednesday break my heart thursday doesn't even start it's friday i'm in love saturday wait and sunday always comes too late but friday never hesitates... i don't care if monday's black tuesday wednesday heart attack thursday never looking back it's friday i'm in love monday you can hold your head tuesday wednesday stay in bed or thursday watch the walls instead it's friday i'm in love saturday wait and sunday always comes too late but friday never hesitates... dressed up to the eyes it's a wonderful surprise to see your shoes and your spirits rise throwing out your frown and just smiling at the sound and as sleek as a shriek apinning round and round always take a big bite it's such a gorgeous sight to see you eat in the middle of the night you can never get enough enough of this stuff it's friday i'm in love

"friday im in love" by the cure... uber cool song.


<<-->>


fine, so it's not friday. what did i do today? not much. did laundry, procrastinated and went to tet's party.

venue: italianni's, megamall. the family practically rented the whole resto. food was fantastic. i wish i cud have tkaen home some... haha, probinsyana si ineng. cheesecake was heaven. everything was. karaoke.

it would be, well, more fun if i didn't feel so op at the start. well, you know me. even though i feel that way, no care. so what, right? tet invited me so there's no reason for me to feel like that. besides, i had tracie, celine and isel with me...

karaoke does bring people together.

maria kinda seemed drunk. har.


<<-->>


am i ready for tomorrow???


<<-->>


cheeeeeezcaaaaaakkkkee!!!

Friday, September 23, 2005

wiNtersCreE


am making another blog at msn spaces. haha. kasi naman, im so... insatiable. harhar. aghers. i knoooow i shud be doing something productive like reading my fil novel, doin my research, and chuchu but weell... you know me--easily lost to the lures of the techie world... or, actually, by anything that'll make me procrastinate. woohoo.

im still tweaking it... teka lang ha???

Thursday, September 22, 2005

eAsy, eAsy



j.D. fOrtuNe
iS
tHe nEw fRoNt mAn oF iNxS

i mourn for mig and marty but j.d.'s always been the rocker-y, brood-y, bad boy rock star. he even has the past and the rock star name to go with it... hai... mig's a cool filipino, even though he left here at 2... he's the cousin of katrina legarda!!! he's coming to the philippines for the legarda reunion... and so, im gonna scour ateneo for legardas and hook up with them so i can go to the reunion and meet the dude...

marty's gonna open for inxs in their world tour so it's like he won din... im so looking forward to their albums!!! agh!!!

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

i kNow i dont kNow yOu bUt i wAnt yOu so bAd


watch the sunrise say your goobyes off we go

no conversation some contemplation hit the road

car overheats jump out of my seat

on the side of the highway baby

our road is long your hold is strong

please don't ever let go, oh no

i know i don't know you but i want you so bad

everyone has a secret oh can they keep it

oh no they can't

im driving fast now

dont think i know how to go slow

where you at now i feel around

there you are

cool these engines calm these jets

i ask you how hot can it get

and as you wipe off beads of sweat

slowly you say

"im not there yet!"

<<-->>

photos from www.nyclondon.com

and

www.pixiport.com

and

www.painetworks.com

eEt's obUr eN dAhn


done with my p.e. finals. heeelllll, grabe. but our teacher's such a nice guy na i--we--made it. yippeee...

nothing to write about. nothing profound. i am amazed at my own wisdom.

the research re athens is coming along nicely. i kinda like it... but it's gonna be extremely convenient if i just had a laptop... lately, against my practical heart [wha?!] ive been daydreaming about getting a laptop from tita bong. it's not impossible. i mean, last time she was here, she gave mommy lily a computer. saya. but still... panahon ng tag-hirap... you know life. itch hard.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

a diFfeReNt kiNd oF huNgEr


i ate cheez whiz and skyflakes for lunch, plus chocolate. they weren't even mine. ha. im living off on the food off my dormmates... not that they're aware of it. i have 300 hundred with me. the 100 has been in my pocket since yesterday but i haven't spent it yet even though my stomach is in knots because of hunger. why? i don't know. maybe because i feel that if i start spending money, i'll never stop. slippery slope fallacy but what the hell? it's gonna be my choice, i know... but money matters and the discipline re them ellude me.

i still need to do a lot, especially sa english... im page 2 in filipino... :p. ach, that's pathetic. hihi. whatchevah.

im kinda tired. i think i want to go home. hmm. kelan ko kaya gagawin yung research ko???

<<-->>

sexuality is a dangerous thing once let out.

one day at a time. haha. ima adopt the alcoholics anonymous motto. one day at a time. cool.

<<-->>

im back to making an alternative life for myself. it's gonna be fun. damn, i have to think of a name. (yawn.)

my tummy's rumbling... agh... got work to do. got work to do.

i love to laugh.

<<-->>

aNg sAya sA dOrm kAsi waLa si gAbiE.

<<-->>

nothing, nothing... im eating all her food. i need to buy my own na... hmm.

bye...

Monday, September 19, 2005

iN tHe spAcEs beTweEn yOur fiNgers


i wonder what she thinks about when she looks in the mirror. does she realize that she is breathtaking in her beauty? that she has this ability to stop people's hearts by merely smiling their way?

wala lang.

free cut sa es lab. well, kinda free cut cuz mrs perez was mia... grabbed the opportunity of not seeing her, of not being in the same room with her, dammit. so im free til 3, wherein i go to my second-to-the-last class in pe. (sob.) i wish they'd scrap pe all together but i think that's hoping for too much since this blasted school is hell-bent on creating androids that worship both Jesus and sports. i have nothing wrong with the former. it's the latter i detest...

anyhoo, if i fail the finals this wednesday, there's always the fun run. then again, will i survive it? hargh.

im bored. i know i should be doing something productive like my english research or even study for my two long tests tomorrow--two subjects lang ako bukas pero pareho namang may exam!!!--pucha naman o. we have a quiz in math cuz natalo yung ateneo. so double blacklisted sila sa kin. fucker. fuck. demmit. and it's not helping that i was absent on both these subjects last week. ang saya, no? jeesh. shockermania, man.

in es lec, things were kinda weird. on the way there, after did my bloggin, nagsabay kami ni mikey. eh may ice cream. sayang naman no. so linibre ako ni mikey. tapos, when we got there, everyone was like, oooooooo. ickers. ice cream was cool though. it wash shoo big kasi eh. haha. tapos, once inside, mikey whips out this hershey's bar and i went on like that happiness commercial. "oooh, chocolate!!! i love chocolate!!!" ark. kill me. but it was good, though.

im wondering about kelvin. it's lost.

it's raining outside. torrents.

i don't wanna think about the future. i'm in the now. but math and fil. hell. fuckerooo, there's gonna be a study-fest mamaya. and methinks it's gonna be uber-crazy cuz the combined forces of gabie and geny are there. those two girls hate each other so much pero bagay sila. blah you both and together.

*vent...

gah.

hmmmmm.

exCusEs


what is art but an excuse to express yourself, without shame nor second thought, and at the same time, a blatant protest on the norms imposed upon you?

ala lang, naisip ko.

bY liMitiNg oUrSeLveS tO a cErtAin pAth, wE mAy bE stRayiNg fRoM oUr [tRue] dEstiNieS... --jOhn iRviNg

wala lang. naisip ko uli.

im suffering from an extreme case of tummy ache... haha. bad brownie. or the white chocos? maybe it's the toblerone. gaabieeee. grrrr. (roar).

so, what do i do with my life? i dunno... i dunno.

the weekend was crazy. maybe that's why my navel, my tummy and my netherparts hurts so bad. (netherparts. snort. a la anne rice and her vampires...) but god, my tummy hurts terrible... was it the brownie? the white choco? or the toblerone?

shit, all that talk of food's reminding me of what i don't have: food.

umuwi kaya ako?

tapos?

wala. do my business.

can't u do that when you get home na lang?

and what? fart like crazy in the meantime?

ee-yuh. that's always a good idea.

<<-->>

im broke but what else is new??? im gonna take austerity [posterity?--i still dunno kung ano yung tama] measures... i already took too much from the atm so i'll just get some... for example, 500 yung ipapasok ni madur. eh di i'll take, siguro, 250... that's for the entire week na. 200-300. i don't know. i'll compute it pa.

grabe, naghihirap na ang pilipinas. haish.

i hope this works. i hope i don't starve. but i hopw i lose weight... :p

<<-->>

watched love actually again last night. cute. mas na-appreciate ko siya [ick, what a statement]. it was cool. im in luv with the whole cast... i love the one about the lovers with two different languages. it'sh shoo cute.

i luv rodrigo santoro, hehehe... cute, grabe. beautiful pa nga. [adush.]

basta. it's a nice movie... ala lang... :p.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

tHrobBinG heAdaChe


need to do a lot of things. shee-eeet. grabe, hectic ang sched. ha. maglalaba pa ko, pag-aaralan ko pa yung math, ang dami pang gagawin sa english, pag-aaralan pa ung fil... this is crap to the highest degree... kaya ko to... kAyA kOh tOooH!!!

im broke. again. what else is new? jeesh...

tita bong's coming this september 30th... we're gonna get norri and furikake from her. wow. shitter... a laptop's not possible but you know me and my fantasies...

...which, by the way, also includes my finishing of all these fucking requirements before i die... or starve to death...

bisoux.

[libe. hi-lite. immerse. writhe. agony. home, if there is.]

Friday, September 16, 2005

hE's waLkiNg iN tHe rAin


foreboding. i cut another english class... i slept through the alarm cuz i didn't want to be awake na if gabie was still there. she still gets on my nerves. i hope she gets kicked out of miriam's. bwahahaha.

they had this quiz today... which reminds me: i have to work on my research na talaga. shit, grabe na to. this monday, miss lin is going to collect the photocopied parts our tentative bibliographies. im kinda feeling the pressure...

things to do:::
  1. english bibliography -- dOnE!!!
  2. english research paper
  3. lit group report
  4. lit oral finals
  5. es report -- dOnE!!!
  6. es written report
  7. es long test
  8. es finals
  9. es lab plant care project
  10. es lab finals
  11. math assignments and that past lesson -- dOnE!!!
  12. math quiz -- dOnE!!!
  13. math finals
  14. filipino long test this tuesday -- dOnE!!!
  15. filipino book. read!!!
  16. pe finals -- dOnE!!!
  17. pe fun run
  18. die
wow. konti lang pala eh... simulan ko na kaya, no? yippee.

<<-->>

ang tagal na talaga tong sakit ng tiyan ko... igh. that last nasty one must have caused permanent havoc to my digestive system. arush, arush, arush. grabe na to. pucha, masakit. i hope this gets better... i really hope this gets better.

haha--im wishing for that single, phantasmical dump that'll, er, release me from this hellhole.

<<-->>

i saw pao walking in the rain, just before i went here to rsf. he came from the caf and i was walking towards gonzaga hall, where the chapel was. i saw him. well, for a couple of minutes, i just looked at him walking, clothed in that heavy white jacket, the rain falling about him in torrents. i wanted to go to him, ask if he wanted me to walk him to the smocket (hehehe). so i called him.

"paolo!"

he had his earphones on. for the sake of decency, i smiled at myself, shut up, and went on ahead. i should have known better. the boy never takes those earphones off.

if i had the choice--or an iPod--i wouldn't take em off either.

<<-->>

the temple tree got torn down. aw. the one in front of gonzaga, near the chapel. it was just... there. lying on the ground. awkward branches kissing the wet grass. did the leaves up above, at its very tops, the leaves on its high branches, ever think thet the greenness below would meld with them? or did they laugh and gloat when they were still up high, laugh that the grass was so far below them?

uprooted, the tree was...

(yoda moment.)

Thursday, September 15, 2005

sKiRmiSh


roCk stAr: INXS

roCk stArs aRe soOoo hOt!!!

that's marty... i love him... hehehe... the one in the middle is jd. jd fortune--rock star the name!!! :p and then the one one the right is mig ayesa!!! kababayan!!! ohmigosh, everyone is sooo hot... :p can't they just alL win?!?

marty casey is a god...

fit to be worshiped.

did you hear that?

that's the sound of panties

sliding to the floor


-->>

ive always wondered about that word. skirmish. it's cute. it's like a petty squabble or some lover's misunderstanding. "sorry, hon, for that little skirmish we had last night." skirmish. skirmish. skirmish.

the uaap game of ateneo (gO aRneOw!!!) vs la salle is being shown, via projector here in the ilab. as if i wasn't distracted enough, they have to show these men act like primates over a rubber ball.

aLaveEeEet!!!

harharhar.

ako lang online. everyone else is watching sa araneta. wish i was there. but i don't have money eh. hai. maybe next time, i already have a boyfriend who'll always have ringside seats... saya, pucha.

dammit. natatalo na kami. sabi na nga ba. kahiya na to ha... talo na naman... well, at least it's not a 32-point lead like before--agh, nakakahiya...

now i can't keep my eyes off the screen. basketball maniacs. iF iT's nOt poLitiCs, iT's bAskEtbAlL...

<<-->>

i hope we win... la salle fuckin good, man... ateneo stinks... school pride is on overdrive but that doesn't mean i can't face facts... grrrrrr.

<<-->>

guEsS whAt? we Lost. aGaiN. 72-55, methinks.

hA.

a cuTtiNg spReE iN a loOse gRey swEatEr


hErE aRe soMe oF tHe piX frOm yEsteRdaY:::


akoush, ate rdee, drew, gab and paolo

ate marla, charz, ate rdee and gab

gab, paolo, ate marla, akoush uli, nexus, charz and natsumay

gab and paolo

charz and natsumay

facis: ate marla and ate rdee

<<-->>

i cut all my classes today. i cut the whole friggin day!!! well, actually i cut two classes... but since i only have two classes today, it's kinda the same, no???

it's thursday and i cut math and fil... i cut math cuz i was lazy, i didn't do my math homework and i just wasn't in the mood for math. so i stayed in the dorm and did some naughty things... for fil... well, i really wanted to go to fil but i was a couple of minutes late na when i got here... and miss ulit told us not to be late cuz there would be people observing us... besides, if i went in pa, i might only embarass myself and miss ulit... so now classes for today. did i do anything productive?

absolutely not!!! WALAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

in a way, i kInDa feEl goOd aBoUt iT buT i hAve a feELiNg iT's alL goNNa baCkfiRe oN mE soMehOw... :p

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

tHerE is aN eLepHant oN mY lAp


(sigh) what's the point? im never gonna be good enough for this teacher of mine. my paper re my research topics once again came back to me with almost the entire page covered with her purple-inked handwriting. wondeful. just wonderful...

at least may ok sa gilid. but i think she put it there out of pity... parang, sige na nga, kawawa naman tong batang to eh. what if i just stopped trying?

hmm. that would be a relief but im afraid the feeling would be short-lived. this is my future, if you wanna be blunt about it. (fuck the slippery-slope fallacy this teacher taught us. fuck it. just fuck it.) i don't want to throw my dreams away for people. how many times have i said that? i don't want to shift cw because of people. i don't want to transfer to up because of people. i don't want to do anything because of people. iN tHe wHoLe, iT iS alL uP tO GoD bUt iN tHe eNd, iT iS alL uP tO mE...

im doing my best... it's september 14. a month from now, i'll be rejoicing cuz sem's over. think of it that way, girl...

math assignments, research shit. fuckeroo.

<<-->>

i forgot to tell you something... for our last intact class, we had this kainan at shakey's. that sure put a dent in my budget... from 500, im down to 400. dapat nga 380 pero sinalo ni paolo-malub (hehe) yung twenty. aw. reluctantly but what the hell?? was it really necessary? hai. it was fun, though. er, i think. i hate drew, however. killjoy. ruined the fucking fun. ruined my mood... something's wrong with that dude. it's not that he borrowed money. i get money problems, oki? i'm in one. but what hit a nerve was the way he asked for it... kinda like we were obliged to do it... oh, fuck, i don't know.

oops. not just because he gets on my nerves means that there's something wrong with the guy...

if there really is, let someone else point it out.

ate two slices of pizza, lots of mojos and a big cup of ice cream... im going back to shakey's for the ice cream... 90 pesos, design your own ice cream. fine. im there. kung pwede ngang mag-isa kong pumunta dun, i'll go... pero pag may pera na ko... don't mind being alone... im just broke now... siguro, i'll get money when i get a steady job na... hai.

was it worth it? losing two days allowance--actually, five days pamasahe--over all that jazz?

i hope so...

i aTe aN oRaNge fOr breAkfAst


what is the significance of that title? nothing. absolutely nothing.

eto, ala magawa... surrounded by carbon-based lifeforms like myself. bored. bored. contemplating whether i still go to shakeys's for ice cream i'll share with 25 other paople... i think i want to go home. but i have to go back for the english and lit papers and then i have to do my service hours... 2.5 hours left plus the 1-hour guidance interview... i need to finish this now because i know na next week, i'll be busy... tapos, i have to do well this sem so i'll get allowance from ateneo.. i wanna apply kasi. dorm allowance is 7500 every two months... tapos yung allowance-allowance 5ooo per sem... (eh allowance ko, 5000 per month) pero anything goes. basta, that will help...

7500 every two months is a big thing na... hai... i really need to apply for that. and i need to get it pa...

<<-->>

i am absoulutely broke. i have fifty cents to my name... :) i have my atm and im gonna withdraw cash. im going to make it last, stretch the budget, ika nga. because my family's broke and i want to help them--us--in any way that i can... retain my scholarship, apply for allowance, budget, budget, budget.

<<-->>

i feel like throwing up. hmmm. it must be the gunk on my lips... and the emptiness in my stomach... i can't throw up air. ah, bile.

<<-->>

we have this research paper in english. full blast na. kailangan na talaga gawin. the threat of accidental plagiarism is over our heads, ready to sever us from ateneo forever. oosh.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

fEeLiNg a heLl oF a lOt beTtEr


liFe dOeSn't suCk nAmAn paLa tHat muCh. juSt a litTle biT... toDay thOugH, mY onLy pRobLem wAs huRtiNg otHer pEoplE's feEliNgs, bEing brOke aNd tHat wEirD hAmbuRgeR afTerTaSte.

i passed na my math project... (i made a poem about math, hehehe) and im done na with the filipino report. the occasional hitches notwithstanding, i think we did a pretty nice job since miss ulit didn't say otherwise.

<<-->>

a cloud on my sunny day::: i just thought, is basing your research on an essay you found on the web equal to plagiarism??? well??? uh-oh. i have a feeling it is plagiarism. grrrreat.

<<-->>

had a realization. well, a confirmation of a realization...

before math class, as i passed by the smocket by sec a, nakasalubong ko si kelvin. aNd tHerE wAs abSoLuteLy nOtHing tHeRe. i smiled--the smile one gives to an acquaintance [not a friend] you somehow just see--a nothing-special smile. cool... im so happy about that. sure he gave me one of those sige-na-nga-ill-smile-na-rin smiles of his but i didn't care!!!

woo-hoooooo!!!

oi, ang problema ko na lang, yung ip sa es. haaaaiiii. i can actually say, life is goooood. marami pa ring problema but at least, kahit papano, nakakahinga na. hai....

paolo's a great friend... wud like to hav him as one. no. wait. we are friends.

...

...

...

wow.

eshcha--gab is getting on my nerves. hahaha. purge, girl, purge.

Monday, September 12, 2005

sOmetHing's wrOng wiTh mE. bLamE iT oN tHe hoRmoNes


i feel terrible. icky terrible. something's wrong with me. something... something... i don't know what's happening to me. we're done with the lab report. it was hell. utter hell. we got to report naman and it was okay, i guess but it felt like i was being crucified--contrary to her statement, "you are in front to answer questions, not to be crucified." at the last part of the thingy, the mic didn't want to leave my hand. wala na. ako na sumagot ng lahat. shit, scared. scarier than lsv.

i want to sleep na but i don't want to go home yet. si gabie kasi, andun. fuck shit.

tapos, yung report sa fil, trish hasn't mailed it to us pa. it's understandable since she did everything (kinda weird cuz i always do everything). but she said na sunday pa lang, pwede na. hope it's all good. hope walang problema bukas. sana naman o. sana. sana. sana. sana walang problema kay cat. sana maganda yung report...

ang dami kong problema. yung sa english pa. puneta.

tRiuMpH hArdLy wiNs ovEr aGoNy aNd aNxiEty


okay, i am in pain. pain, i tell you--PAIN!!! ahem. the type of pain that suddenly comes from out of nowhere and forces you to go into fetal position, plus whimpering for effect. what is this pain?

the pain of the tummy. (cue wicked laugh here.)

agh.

<<-->>

as usual, i was almost late for english class today. muntik pa nga akong pumuntang bell cuz that's what i told the driver (berch, girl, berch!!!) and then, when i got there... walang tao!!! sheee-eeeet!!!

im scared... hehehe. may pasok ba o wala??? what's happening to this world, man??? whaaaaaaaattttt??? did i just make my first cut in both english and literature for no acceptable reason at all, just the fact that my classmates weren't there??? maybe they are in this school. they're just in a different place. eeep. and then, kanina, mga 7:30-ish, evert, the belgian dude, and my classmate in lit, came to the ilab. wow. medyo worried pa cuz lit's not until 8:30. it's 8:45 and he's not here anymore!!!! aaaaaaaacccccccchhhh!!! nonoy's still here though and that kind of lessens the anxiety a little. but then again, he's not the "always-present" type. oh, lord, i cut my B and C+ class. fuck, fuck, fuck!!!

what about my research thingies? damn it. damn it. damn it.

i wonder when i can get those thingies? i wonder what they did in lit? shit, im so paranoid.

and so now im seeking advice from guru joe regarding this problem of mine...

me: "do we have classes today?"
guru joe: " could very well be."
me (panicking): "did i just cut my english and lit classes?"
guru joe: "of course."
me (ohmygod mode): is this going to gravely affect my grades?"
guru joe: "in your dreams."

whoooo.

jeesh, im scared. ah, sasha, breathe, damn it... im scared na when i look into the classroom mamaya, im going to see: "m02 please proceed to so on and so forth for the class." shit. did i just have to open the door? why didn't i go inside and look at the blackboard, for crying out loud?!?!

i have a group report later. and i finally finished my cradle to grave thingy. im doing chocolate bars na.

this is just morning. is it gonna be one of those days???

i cut, right?

Friday, September 09, 2005

i giVe uP. foR nOw


still have to do plenty of stuff. plenty. a lot. daaaaaaaaaaaaamn. didn't get to finish my cradle to grave thingy and marami pang kasunod yan. when will i do it? i don't know. maybe i'll finally find a way to stop time and do my projects in that little pit-stop in the time-space continuum.

my. head. hurts.

bad.

im just extremely tired and burned out... i haven't done any of my projects pa tapos im burned out already. what the bleep am i going to do now? im drowning, damn it. drowning in a too-small shirt, my head foggy and tied down with lots of obligations.

im drowning and im hungry.

<<-->>

thanks to my raging hormones, ive been feeling quite philosophical lately. translation: ive just been given a clearer version of how life sucks.

i want to go home. let me go home.

anyway... when will i be taken?

iN tHis stAte of agOny


i feel terrible today. ach, what else is new?

i have a feeling that im never going to leave the ilab. it's become the newest tambayan for me. ay, kawawa naman ako. still have a lot to do and my hormones are not helping. mood swings are on overdrive. it's driving me crazy. im miserable. im giddy. im whacko. im depressed. my bra's too tight and my pants are too short. life sucks, man. life's a fucking joke.

there's a song in there somewhere.

i still need to do soooo much more for school. projects and papers and group reports and crappy stuff like that.

crises.

i feel soooo sad. someone cheer me up. something that lasts long. the donuts didn't work. only felt stupid saying that little-scissors joke.

<<-->>

it's so hard to feel good about yourself when you're in ateneo. someone is always smarter, prettier, friendlier, thinner, sexier, nicer, richer, better than you. you're always lost in this sea of uncaring humanity and it's a choice between drowning, floating or becoming one of them. i prefer to be on land, though.

what the fuck is happening to me? i feel so... so... down.

<<-->>

one last breath. please come now i think i’m falling. i’m holding on to all i think is safe. it seems i found the road to nowhere and i’m trying to escape. i yelled back when i heard thunder but i’m down to one last breath. and with it let me say... let me say... hold me now. i’m six feet from the edge and i’m thinking that maybe six feet ain’t so far down. i’m looking down now that it’s over reflecting on all of my mistakes. i thought i found the road to somewhere. somewhere in His grace i cried out, "heaven save me" but I’m down to one last breath. and with it let me say... let me say... hold me now. i’m six feet from the edge and i’m thinking that maybe six feet ain’t so far down. sad eyes follow me but i still believe there’s something left for me. so please come stay with me ‘cause i still believe there’s something left for you and me. for you and me. for you and me... hold me now. i’m six feet from the edge and i’m thinking...

<<-->>

i can't get this song out of my head. i think it has something to do with my moods. damn, i have too much to do. i'll rant again later.

adios.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

dOn't fOrgEt tHe bArbEd wiRe


this has been a stupid day... stupid me day. i left my copy of "the dancers" so i have no idea what the page numbers are... i pray that isel has her copy... pleeeeeeeaaaassssssssseee...

and then, my mind's a sad blank when i looked at the my critical evaluation paper... what's my thesis? what am i going to write about??? oh, somebody save me.

hAng mE nOw wiTh uNbrEaKabLe bOnDs


yes, please. i now realize the extent of my stupidity: not studying for a math long test. im sure i won't fail it but im doubly sure that i won't get a score as high as before... im pissed. pissed at myself, pissed at math, pissed at myself for being pissed at math. damn it.

sasha, it's just math. yeah, yeah, yeah. it's always "just" something, ain't it? it's my fault. i know it is. there's no one else to blame but li'l ol' me, dilly-dallying when i should have been studying for math. damn it. i know i could have aced it easily but now... well. well.

enough.

grade-conscious, obssessive-compulsive. whatever. life sucks and i made it that way.

<<-->>

i saw zoe's pics last night. they were posted on saab's blog... sHe's a terRifiC arTiSt. i am humbled. well, she's an artist. terrific, wonderful, unbelievably remarkable artist.

<<-->>

oOosh, i just remembered: during gab's game... he had this teammate... adorable tall guy. he actually smiled during the game, unlike gab who suddenly turns into a dragon. or a bulldog. the guy's name is miguel and he'sh tall and chinito in a non-goofy way. he looks nice pa. nats confirmed it. --why does nats get to hang out with the guys i kinda like?? lord? well??-- they're seatmates in botany. yippee. i saw this dude before the game actually. he was in the ilab and i looked up, saw he was cute and kinda had a resemblance to timothy... and then when we were at the courts na, he just passed by and my head turned to follow him.

damn it, he'sh hotch.

<<-->>

i have to do my three english papers today... shit, ayoko na ilista.

<<-->>

i hope something happens. something good. something that could make me smile.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

bWahAhAhAhaHaAaAaA


a part of me is about to fall off. great.

cut p.e... kinda. went there, payed for the fun run... but i think my teacher thought i was there the whole time, lifting weights. sir, i was sleeping at home, in full p.e. gear, with an empty bottle of bath soap next to my ear.

i don't feel shallow today. hmmm. raging hormones equals profundity. wicked cool.

wHat i wAnt to tElL mYseLf


let go, honey. let go. do it now before it's too late, before you've drooled too much, exhausted too much brain cells, spent too much strength pumping blood into your often-oxygen-deprived brain. now before it's too much. let go now before you start something you wouldn't be able to control later. let go now before the you start to feel pain.

i realize that she feels more for him than i do for him... that her feelings are purer, more innocent. strange but i feel it's only right that i let go of something this trivial. knowing me, it wouldn't be "this trivial" if... whatever.

raging hormones means profundity. ah, the inspiration.

<<>>

english started okay enough... i was late but that wasn't new... couldn't put on make-up properly because i felt gabie's presence, albeit unconscious, behind me. research paper, yip-fucking-pee. at least this time, it's ten pages in six weeks. last time i did a research paper, it was almost two hundred within the same amount of time. call me superwoman.

ate breakfast, went to the libe. tried to look for an easy topic for the research but i ended up reading stuff. translation: i got distracted. read on angels. no mushy little cupid stuff. killer angels, something along the ranks of azrael... (what the hell am i talking about? never you mind.)
in es began the downhill roll of my giddiness. the lesson was ok, by the way. sat in front so i won't get distracted... mikey went back to his seat. and so the questions came: lq kayo ni mikey? uh-huh. sure. what-e-verrr. anyhoos, i went back to my seat in front, beside verne, in close proximity to nexus, the professor and kelvin. ah, the men in my life. (nyork.)

didn't expect much from kelvin. haven't been making eye contact since... two-three weeks ago? (i wonder if i he knows im 16 na... no more, oh, you're such a cute fifteen-year-old!) he was wearing this tight pink shirt. observant girl that i am, i said, tight shirt. he looks at me and i try not to avoid his gaze but i end up staring at the tiles on the floor. he sits beside me, on the chair that's (thankfully) beside nexus and me--what, you don't know nexus?!--and then--ick!--is kelvin going to talk to me??? well, yep. he asks, in that goofy voice of his, when you say tight, does that mean you like it? and so, innocent li'l me, tries to block out the image of his inflated body underneath the bathing-suit-material-pink-shirt, lest i throw up on the spot. i contented myself with barfing in my mouth. so i just said, i was just being observant. ah, the queen of sidestepping.

...back to the es class... well, our maniac teacher asked me, as i was in that stage bordering on sleep and consciousness, to stand in front... he was gonna show the class my, er, horizons. dirty old man with three kids!!!

we went to intact and that was where my day turned into utter shit. there was this prayer session thingy. we started with a rendition of 'take and receive' by verne. i was supposed to sing it but i didn't know the words... i think i was absent the day sir archie taught us that. anyhoo, i wish that i did learn the song. hai...

tapos nun, we were asked what life in ateneo meant to us so far... static... so-so... [damn it] disappointing. i overestimated this pile of elitist crap. words to that effect. now people think that i don't like ateneo. well... i don't. but they seem to think that i don't because of reasons that i don't... er... reason. yeah. great.

do i belong in ateneo?

i think so. or is it just conceit talking and that certain arrogance inherent in all ateneans, instilled the moment we receive our acceptance letters?

well, we listened to this story by some scary-looking guy. the story was nice, though. the giving tree. it was sad. and so nice... cara said it was too happy and idealistic... that no one really gives that much to a person, that someone is that selfless. no one loves the poor girl. joke.

gab, nats and paolo were among those who weren't there. lots more didn't come. sinulit yung allowed one cut. i should have done the same. maybe i would be smiling now.

gab and paolo. go figure.

i went home, pissed as hell but clueless about the reason. not cara. duh. hormones, i think. yeah, im bleeding. yuck. hehe, am i freaking you out? ...i ate sinigang. yum. filched patis, sampaloc and gummy jelly candy from my dormmates. im going to hell... more booboos: i slept, around 2:30... i told myself, ten minutes... just a ten-minute nap. well, i woke up at 3:15... contemplated cutting. decided to go to school, even just to lie.

i didn't have to. i went to the weights gym, where everyone was in different stages of completing their work-outs. went to sir, told him that i was just going to pay for the shirt for the fun run (fun run, my skinny ass--5 kilometers of running is their idea of fun?!) i think he thought that i was there all along, sweating like everyone else, lifting ridiculous weights, doing sit-ups at impossible angles... and so i went. then i learn that they didn't record their sets. haha, if he marks me present, there's no lack of record that will prove otherwise.

yep, im going to hell.

and so here i am once again, ranting in the ilab, making the longest post im ever going to make in my entire life... that is, until i get another hormone attack. i know i'm gonna stay here until 7:30. i have a long test in math tomorrow about something hard and mind-numbing... papers to pass... three, in fact, to miss lin. a report on lab, another one on lecture. oh, yeah, and another one on fil. i think we have a test pa on lecture... oh, i have to read this filipino book pa...

wow. i'm gonna bring a lot with me to hell.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

tHrEe-hOuR breAk


ladies and gentlemen, i am still atoned so don't bother thinking that what im gonna say would make perfect sense.
im still sleepy. demmit.

math was hell. tried to keep awake. succeeded. but just barely.

went to the ilab to work on my english paper. haven't written a word of it. it's due tomorrow. great. damn it, just great.

i don't wanna post. lots of things are goin on in my life and it just shucksh. tired eh. kwento ko na lang sa inyo. kita tayo pizza hut, eat all you can for only 125. haha--mag-plug daw ba.im gonna eat weeds. that's gonna be my diet...dag, nammit--this is pointless.

i shAn't fAlL iNto tHat tRap agAiN


i sHaN't fAlL iNto thAt tRaP agAiN...


...it was only recently that i realized how futile it is to tell yourself to stop feeling just because you do not want to hurt yourself and a friend...

Monday, September 05, 2005

geTtiNg kiCkeD oUt bY mAnOng guArd


damn it, i am still tired...

i have two papers due this week: english and lit (yep, they're different!)... two group reports: ES lecture and ES lab (different ulit!!!)... a load of things to solve in Math... 5 stories to read in filipino and then there's contemplating the state of humanity from my perch overlooking the sea of doom.

what?

my life, stupid.

i haven't done a single thing... nothing... too busy succumbing to distractions.

as predicted, it is 7-ish and im still here in school. how do i get home??? someone buy me a car. im almost legal to drive.

im tired!!!

something wicked happened between nats and me... too tired to type... lots of things happened. but im too tired to write... im just... pressing keys. don't want to internalize. no flashbacks now. present. future, to remind me of my obligations. but right now, the past has to stay there. im swamped as it is.

kapal ng mukha mo, gab. batista. woosh.

uh-oh. the shut down thingy sign-ish object is flashing on top of my screen. "go away, damn it." words to that effect.

oh, sheeeeeeeeeee-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeet, im tired. i hope i get home.

if i don't, i love you guys.

pour melted guy lian chocolates all over my grave, will ya?

tata.

i aM tiRed aNd iT's nOt niCe


my ears are about to fall off... the earrings nats--souLmate!!!--gave me are uber-fantastic but my ears are aching!!! iN a yEar oR sO, iF tHis keEps uP--aNd it wiLl...--tHen mY eArLobEs wiLl reSt oN mY sHouLdeRs... i hAve aLreAdy toO muCh oN mY sHouLdeRs.

on to serious stuff::

i had a crazy weekend... but let's start with today... woke up at 4:00 am and i got 5 hours of sleep... (zombie.) and then, travel from cavite to katipunan, feeling my insides giving out at every station... arrived at dorm at 6-ish am. discovered laundry didn't arrive. get alternative clothing. ironed. rushed. imagined food. went to school, a little late for English. and here i am still. it is 4-ish pm. i expect i'll leave this place at 7:30, when the security guard is dragging me outside.

what a crazy day...

dAmn--i jUst rEmEmbEreD i hAvE tO gO to mErcuRy dRug fOr tHis bLeEpiNg alLerGy.

i can't write... maya na lang. im tired. damn.

Friday, September 02, 2005

tHe biRthDay -- lAst nA, sweAr!!!


it’s been so crazy. my birthday has been an absolute mess and it’s all because of meee… bUt iM hApPy. i was with the people i care for, people i have fun with, people i love… looking back, it amazes me that im this happy about everything. about life. about the fun things. even about the stupid, hard things ive been going trough. about being sixteen.

ai, grabe.

sixteen is amazing.

everything was so fun… i found out that nats and i share the same crush (tHe gUy is uBer-eWaN!) i gave her my other blog address, the revealing one. i told her to keep quiet about it. she asked if it mentioned my crush. yeah, duh, it did… and then she asked, “bLocKmAte?”

“yeah…”

amidst giggles, we decide to tell each other, through typing the name on our phones…

1-2-3 ::: wTf, tHe sAme?!?!

sabi na eh—I had a bad feeling about it, you know… har-har-har.

we are truly cOmpAtibLe… :p

*linibre ako ni gab cuz I beat him 6 times sa pOweR-puSoY…. bwahahaha. ang sarap pala ng zagu pag pinaghirapan... hehehe.

*we went to gateway to watch dukes of hazzard. stUpid mOviE… :p watched it with nats, verne, gab and charz. Ay, mas crazy yung afterwards, when charz was making his nametag. Ewan… crazy…*i am now at p'que, with my mom, my grandmother, my cousins, my aunt, my uncle... people. the remains (dAmi pA) of an eighteen-inch yellow-cab pizza is on the lazy susan. i am almost scared to go near it...

im rambling. i don't think i can say everything in this blog... i'll go to where i can lay it all bare.

tHe biRthDay -- pArt tHreE


iT's sOoOoOoO coLd...

there are goosebumps on my goosebumps... maya-maya, i'll be on the floor, thawing yet dead.

can i wax sentimental? philosophical? (...wax? yep, ive heard it used before.) anyhoo, ima wax something, not my legs cuz i just shaved... hehehe.

---wookie, dry humor.

here's the serious part:::

im turning 16. 16. im almost a woman, you know... im at the peak of my teenage years, i feel like i'm--

okay, iT's nOt wOrKiNg.

im just happy to be sixteen. happy. happy. happy. giddy pa nga. why? well, the looks i'll get won't be as aLarMed and bEwiLdeRed as the looks i get when i tell people im 15...

ahem::: hiNdi aKoH mAtAngKad--mAliIt lAnG kAyO.

tHe biRthDay -- pArt tWo


puCha, aNg giNaw!!! my ass is freezing, man... my fingers are about to come off... why did i have to sit in this chair?? demmmit.

grrrrrrrrrrr...

i just made eye contact with a couple of girls... wHatcHu lOokIng at, biTcH?!? anyway, she's a potential carrier of the booger complex... i bet she's been spewing her bacteria all over me but ive got bleeping immunity!!!

it's my birthday, damn it, and im on top of the friggin world!!!

great, just turned 16 and im on a rampage. yippee. im going straight to hell...

but, jeesh, she's so pretty...

tHe biRthDay -- pArt oNe


im feeling happy... happy. happy.

it's 9:35 am and as usual, i am at my second home: tHe riZaL iLaB... (i know that sounds super-pathetic but hey!!!) i just received an e-mail na we don't have ES class today... wow. ang saya. no english class, no lit class... no es class... pUmAsOk pA kOh!!!

anyhoo, it'sh my birthday, it'sh my birthday... lots of pepole texted me... (awwww...) but some of them i don't know eh... (uggggghhh...) im showi, im showi... lOts oF pEopLe cAme bAcK fRoM tHe dEad... it was nice to hear from them but, well... kinda awkward but nice na... fine. sige na. i'll be good.

<<-->>

damn it, some bad news:

my lola, (i call her mOmMy liLy) got into an accident yesterday... tripped on her slippers, fell forward, hit the cabinet drawer knobs and lacerated her cheek. ouch. i feel like crying. i was so scared. so scared. so scared...

im texting my lolo (dAdDy poOp--wHen i wAs a KiD, hE uSeD tO fArT a lOt... hEhe)... well, just checkin to see if he's oki... just letting him know that aiLaBhEmsOmAcH...

<<-->>

nAtsuMi and cHarZ--inseparable--want to go to a movie after natsci... which i don't have!!! what i also dOn't have is money... i only have a hundred with me today and a hundred back home... but that's not really the issue. iM gOiNg to mEet mY mOm lAteR... if i go to the movies... (and i cAn get money!) i might be late in meeting my mommy... she took a leave thingy from the office and well... iM tOrN!!!

etO pA::: birthday ni pAoLo bukas... band, open bar... the possibility of seeing my cwushie-wushie there.

ick. well, i don't drink and i don't have plans of doing so... but i have plans... im going to be with my family tomorrow and that's what counts, right???

dInGdOngdiNgdOnG...

Thursday, September 01, 2005

iM goNnA pArtY liKe iT's mY biRtHdAy... ...toMorRow


oosh, this is crazy. uTtErLy cRaZy... once again, im at the rizal ilab while the remains of my once-vibrant life are currently rotting on the floor under my bed, between my silver heels and my suitcase.

ive just finished tweaking my blog and im actually satisfied with it... sAtisFactiOn at lAst... i went here at 3:00 and it is now 6:30-ish... the ilab closes at 7:30 naman. i can go home when the facilitators are dragging me out by the hair... i hope i get home, though... don't want my tombstone to read:

sasha martinez
born: september 2, 1989
died: september 1, 2005
sayang, hindi umabot

<<-->>

i don't really want to go to my dorm yet. im sick of it. surrounded by strangers. they're nice strangers but they don't get me. boohoo, call the police.

<<-->>

wookie, nothing to talk about. im just blabbing, blabbing, blabbing... i wonder who's gonna read this crap...

<<-->>

thanks to nAtsUmi who gave me these super-cool earringsssssssssss... thanks, girl!!! labyu!!!