tHerE is aN eLepHant oN mY lAp

(sigh) what's the point? im never gonna be good enough for this teacher of mine. my paper re my research topics once again came back to me with almost the entire page covered with her purple-inked handwriting. wondeful. just wonderful...

at least may ok sa gilid. but i think she put it there out of pity... parang, sige na nga, kawawa naman tong batang to eh. what if i just stopped trying?

hmm. that would be a relief but im afraid the feeling would be short-lived. this is my future, if you wanna be blunt about it. (fuck the slippery-slope fallacy this teacher taught us. fuck it. just fuck it.) i don't want to throw my dreams away for people. how many times have i said that? i don't want to shift cw because of people. i don't want to transfer to up because of people. i don't want to do anything because of people. iN tHe wHoLe, iT iS alL uP tO GoD bUt iN tHe eNd, iT iS alL uP tO mE...

im doing my best... it's september 14. a month from now, i'll be rejoicing cuz sem's over. think of it that way, girl...

math assignments, research shit. fuckeroo.

<<-->>

i forgot to tell you something... for our last intact class, we had this kainan at shakey's. that sure put a dent in my budget... from 500, im down to 400. dapat nga 380 pero sinalo ni paolo-malub (hehe) yung twenty. aw. reluctantly but what the hell?? was it really necessary? hai. it was fun, though. er, i think. i hate drew, however. killjoy. ruined the fucking fun. ruined my mood... something's wrong with that dude. it's not that he borrowed money. i get money problems, oki? i'm in one. but what hit a nerve was the way he asked for it... kinda like we were obliged to do it... oh, fuck, i don't know.

oops. not just because he gets on my nerves means that there's something wrong with the guy...

if there really is, let someone else point it out.

ate two slices of pizza, lots of mojos and a big cup of ice cream... im going back to shakey's for the ice cream... 90 pesos, design your own ice cream. fine. im there. kung pwede ngang mag-isa kong pumunta dun, i'll go... pero pag may pera na ko... don't mind being alone... im just broke now... siguro, i'll get money when i get a steady job na... hai.

was it worth it? losing two days allowance--actually, five days pamasahe--over all that jazz?

i hope so...