yOu sMaRmy liTtle gOat

this is utter hell. utter hell.

what does it mean? what does he mean when he puts his arm around my shoulders when no one's there but he acts like he doesn't know me when people are watching??? no, i'm not being fair. he did it the first time in class--in front of the bleeping class. i tried to remove his arm. tried to. but it felt so nice, so sweet, so warm. come on. this is body contact we're talking about, the closest to a hug that i can get.

he looked terrible kasi at the start of class. something was wrong. you know, sometimes you can just feel it. there's no explanation. you can just sort of feel it. i asked him what was wrong and he looked at me funny. well, something was wrong. i was sure.

he kept looking at me afterwards, during class.

at the end of the class, he put his arm around me but i tried to remove it. i don't want him to do that to me because it's freaking smarmy.

hai.

im sure people saw it. i saw people see it.

anyway, i went upstairs after class, trying to get away from him and still my rapidly-beating heart, intent on giving myself a lecture on how it means nothing to him when he starts talking to me. but then, he caught up with me, and asked questions... why did i take of his arm? is it men? don't i like men? oh, boy, he got that wrong. so i told him the truth. well, sort of. i told him, "just you."

you know the way he takes pains to annoy you. we did that. his arm was around my shoulders.
he told me that he felt better now, great in fact. thank you for noticing that something was wrong. it made me feel better.

what? puta, what did you say?

in the greenhouse, i stepped away from him. fled to the other side of the room, in fact. the others came and we didn't say anything else to each other. he didn't even wave goodbye. not even one last look.

he has this remarkable ability of making me feel undesirable. tangina mo, loser. hehe. joooke. pistayonglahaaat!!! :D