aLmoSt tHerE... wHerEvEr iT iS

this is just utter craziness... utterly insane. completely. fully...

hai.

im going to go to my grandmother's later for the weekend... which reminds me, i have to prepare my laundry... (im so lazy: i have to ask my lola's maids to wash my clothes for me.) ...i think m mom's nagtatampo cuz im going to her mom's house and not to our house. jeesh. she's supposed to pick me up tomorrow. i figured that hte longer i stay at paranaque (my lola's house), the more delihiyensiya (money) i get. (i know, im so bad!) anyhoo, we'll see what happens...

i was lesbo yesterday. just yesterday, damn it. kami na ni zoe. yesterday. of course, this is all just a bunch of crap but a lot of people thought i was serious. hahaha. i won't make a good lesbo... i love men too much. they're stupid, but i love themm... and i don't want to be lesbo just because there's no hope in me finding a guy. that's desperation. no. i want my "transition" to be natural (as natural as it could be) and of my own volition. ...being lesbo, it scares me, man. besides, my family will have a mass heart attack.

<<-->>

[i shouted his name in front of my class and he wasn't even there.]

damn.

he is endearing with his soporific attitude, mass of curls and chucks. reminds me of a puppy with shoes. yey.

mother said, "never date a guy who's also a writer cuz you'll both starve. go to the som building and hunt for boys there."

she actually made sense.

<<-->>

i want to see my friends back in high school. even just one of them... just to remind me of what i had, have... what i was, what i should be... ach...i miss jozelle, adrian, bryan, kenneth, miss queenie... people waving at me in school, chirping, "hi, ate shang!"

that's gone now. im not even "shang" anymore.