emOtioNal sHoRthAnd

i got my first D, ladies and gentlemen. oh god, the horror. haha. literary analysis is just not my turf. cry.

so is, i discovered, literature itself. well then. my poems are laughable and my fiction is, as one heights person put it, "feeling goth." shit. shit. shit for brains.

bahala kayo. i'll write until the end of the world.

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i really suck at english and lit. (already, i can hear isel's words: "ano ba!!! you're too hard on yourself!!!") but i really do. grabe. iba. if this is my first year of college writing, ano pa kaya yung next three years?! shit na malagkit, pano na 'ko?!

pero i know naman na in an unseen way (hardly felt too) these classes of miss lin have been helping me. true, true. ewan ko lang ha, kung paano. basta. siguro 'pag nagka-apo na ako tas kailangan nila ng tulong sa socio-cultural thingies nila eh magkakasilbi ako. fantastic.

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the words of arlo bates, from verne's notecards:

"It has often been remarked that authors are apt to be most fond of works that are not their best, and it is notorious that the most passionately poetic mood may be that in which a writer produces his least effective compositions... In the aroused, imaginative, ecstatic mood, every word is suggestive, every phrase full of meaning, each sentence rich with emotion. The writer who is carried away by his feelings is apt to go beyond the range of his judgment. He puts down the sign of his mood in language intelligible only to himself. He writes a sort of emotional shorthand, illegible to every eye except his own. To him it may remain beautiful because to him it recalls the exact mood he produced it. To him it it the significant and sufficient memorandum of a thing beautiful and sublime; to others it is but a mass of words left by the elusive fancies which broke through language and escaped."

wala lang. natuwa ako. cute. haha. applicable. stuff like that. haha. genius.

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urm... what? teka. ano?

i really need to get a life. and how does one define a life? food. pen and paper.