And it all comes back to you

Dear Universe,

I don't ask this of you much, but please conspire with me. I promise I'll be good. Hindi na po ako magmumura. Maghuhugas na po ako ng pinggan kahit hindi sinasabihan. I'll even do the Stepford Wife bit and you know how much even the thought of it makes my blood curdle. So please? I need this. PLEASE.

Yours,
Sasha